home is everywhere

 

silence and stillness

A home is a dwelling-place used as a permanent or semi-permanent residence for an individual, family, household or several families in a tribe. It is often a houseapartment, or other building, or alternatively a mobile home, houseboat, yurt or any other portable shelter. Home may be considered to be a geographic area, such as a town, village, suburbcity, or country.

A home is generally a place that is close to the heart of the owner. The state of a person’s home has been known to physiologically influence their behavior, emotions, and overall mental health.  Places like homes can trigger self-reflection, thoughts about who someone is or used to be or who they might become. (Wikipedia)

 I think of the many places I have lived and wonder about what home is to me, especially now, as once again I prepare to move. This wondering and wandering in search of home has been intriguing and at times quite daunting and draining. And I have no answers! Certainly this exploration has brought reflection and thoughts about who I am, who I used to be, and who I might become… So many learnings have come forward on this part of my journey, and while I will always be who I am, I certainly am no longer who I used to be, and I look forward to and am open to the unfolding of who I might become.

Moving to Santa Fe two and a half years ago was a huge transition for me. There are many reasons why I came to New Mexico, and one of the most important reasons has to do with healing on a really deep level. With an open heart, I have honored this as best I could. I am grateful to all those who have encouraged me and supported me in this wondering and wandering. And I am beyond grateful to the land here — the energy of this land has helped me in my healing, has embraced me and helped me truly experience one of my favorite quotes by Rumi:

Let the beauty we love be what we do.

There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

And while I have felt so connected with and held by the land here in NM, one of the things I have missed the most has been the connection with long-time friends. There has been a sadness, a loss, an aching… I have practiced with holding on and letting go, as well as trusting in what is now, in this moment. I have sat with the sadness and the loss, the aching in my heart, allowing these feelings to be present yet not send me spinning into all kinds of stories. This is part of the work I have been doing – going deeper inside and not running from.

This past November I spent time in Richmond and I was a bit startled by how my heartstrings were pulled and how that aching came right to the surface. I was embraced and felt loved by so many people. And it was then that I began to understand what the aching was. That missing, that longing for home. After returning to Santa Fe, while leaving a phone message for a dear friend in Richmond, I was surprised when I said, “I want to come home”, and even more surprised when I began to cry. At that point I knew it was not about figuring anything out – it was about paying attention to what my heart was saying. It is not that I have not been embraced in NM; I have, in many ways. It is that my heartstrings in Richmond are incredibly interwoven, and that is what my heart is longing for.

I want to be present and awake wherever I am. I have so much to be grateful for and so much to give. I do not want to squander my life. I will continue to care for myself and do the work I need to do – wherever I am. When I first moved to Santa Fe, I heard so many people speak about how when new people arrive here, they are either embraced or chewed up and spit out. A bit disturbing when new to town! I do not feel at all that I am being chewed up and spit out of Santa Fe. I will be back! There is so much I love about this place and many people who are dear to me. But for now I am going to a place that feels like home, in this moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Many of you have asked how you can support me during this transition, which I so appreciate. While my heart is quite clear regarding this transition, the logistics are another topic! At this point, what would be most supportive is monetary help with travel costs… so I have set up a travel fund. You can give via PayPal below (most helpful if you have an account and go through Friends and Family so I receive all of what you give), or if you are more comfortable with sending a check, please send to

PO Box 33155, Santa Fe, NM 87594 by April 16th. My mail will be forwarded after that date.

I would be so grateful for any amount, and I also completely understand if you are not able to give monetarily. I will be deeply grateful for your support, however it appears. With love and gratitude Katya/Kathy

 

In life, a person will come and go from many homes. We may leave a house, a town, a room, but that does not mean those places leave us. Once entered, we never entirely depart the homes we make for ourselves in the world. They follow us, like shadows, until we come upon them again, waiting for us in the mist. ~ Ari Berk, Death Watch

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2 thoughts on “home is everywhere

  1. I so feel this same things. Some days all I can think about is how to get back to San Francisco and my family and long time friends. Because of the state of housing back there, it’s going to take some time and some doing, but it will get done. xoxo-Lauren

    • Thanks Lauren, and yes, it is so easy to be resistant to, confused, frustrated,inhibited about the logistics of following our paths. I hope you can find your way to San Francisco and your family and friends. As the Buddhist chant goes, do not squander your life. I am trying to embrace this. xoxo

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